I have no idea what exactly you’re going through but this is what I know: that you’re scared and it’s hard, you’re suffering and you want it to end, and it’s painful and you want it to go away. But here’s one thing that I know and wish you knew too: this shouldn’t be the answer.
Not convinced? Give me a chance. I will give you a few reasons why not.
1. There’s no reason.
Look back. What caused the pain? Who is your bully? What is your bully? I’ll do you even better, “Why is your bully…?” (Get the reference? I just wanted to make you smile.)
Anyway, why is your bully so powerful you let it be the reason why? Will you actually let a beating liar push you down? It is a liar. That voice inside your head that tells you to do it: it’s a liar. There is no reason to do it while there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t do it.
2. It won’t end anything.
What you’re thinking of doing won’t stop anything. It’s not going to provide you any conclusion. In fact, it will only bring about a lot of questions and most of those are a bunch of “what if’s”. Don’t be fooled by the ellipsis it offers. It doesn’t end there. The pain will continue to spread, from you, the people you love, the people who know you, and even to the people who only heard about you. And you have to remember…
3. Doing it won’t change anything.
Your bully is not gonna stop with you. Change doesn’t come easily for a bully. Prove it wrong. You’re stronger than it, you’re stronger than the voice that tells you “go”. But you can end it. You can keep your bully from harming many more and this is where it starts:
4. Knowing that it isn’t your fault.
It’s never your fault. Would you believe me if I tell you it’s not something you can control? It’s not in your hands. It’s in the chemicals in your brain or the genetic makeup of your body—both of which, out of your control. You can’t control what happens around you that caused you this pain or the people who put you through this. You’re not wrong. It’s not your fault.
5. There is help.
There is help. Always. There may be some things that are stopping you from getting the help you need but know that there is always a way. At the end of this letter are a few places where you can get help for free if finances are what hinders you. If you don’t feel like sharing your thoughts to a professional just yet, start small with a friend or trusted family member. Start with yourself, grab a pen and a notebook, and put everything down. Slowly, you’ll learn to open up.
6. You’ll be okay tomorrow.
A friend once told me this: “today you feel like everything is falling apart and then you’ll fall asleep at night. When you wake up in the morning, you still feel down but it gets better. Day by day. And you never really realize you’re growing out of that pain until it doesn’t hurt you anymore.” And only in those moments that we neglect living. We only notice the pain but do we ever look at the happy?
7. You’re only getting stronger.
And as the days go by, the things that hurt us before won’t be able to hurt us again. And there is a reason why: that pain is a pain of the past. Once you learn to let that go, facing it again tomorrow will give you a certain confidence. That’s when you tell your bully, “you didn’t bring me down before. Why must I let you bring me down now?”
8. You’re not alone.
You may feel like no one will understand the pain you’re going through but believe me, there are many who goes through the same pain. They understand the struggles you’re going through. Everyone experiences pain differently but that doesn’t make you alone. The way you perceive things could be different and this could serve you a purpose to keep going.
9. You can be the light you’ve always wanted to see.
We all want someone to show a certain spark to help us keep going. Once you realize that you can use your pain against itself, you’ll know that you can be that light. The reason you keep on going could be an inspiration to others who needed help as much as you do. Imagine all the lives you could save from a small gesture you can share with them and what they could do to others who were once like them.
10. The day you’ll feel healthy again will come.
Yes, it will. I am not saying this just to comfort you but because I know and I have seen it happen—to myself, to my friends, to people I helped. Just a few years ago, I was ready to give everything up—my future, my dreams, my life. But the day I decided to get help, everything started changing and without realizing it, I am here—facing my future, living my dream, and loving my life.
11. It’s okay if you’re not ready.
Seeking help can be a huge step and it can be really intimidating. But you can always find relief in small things. There are activities you could do to set you free from that anxiety or the pain. Maybe the empty feeling stops you from going but there are ways to find purpose even just for today.
12. You can take it at your own pace.
This is probably the best part of choosing to heal. You don’t have to rush. No one is going to pressure you into a healthier tomorrow. Slowly and surely, you can take tiny little steps and no one is going to judge you for it. There may be times that you’d want to stop so remember to pause and breathe. But remember to continue, one step at a time.
You are amazing. Going through all this, laughing through the pain, waking up every day, dreaming, living, loving—everything you do makes you an incredibly strong person. You may not realize it yet but the fact that you’ve reached the end of my letter tells me that you’re a fighter willing to push through all the lies that the chemicals in your brain tell you and all the pain and doubt people and things around you put you through. I don’t need you trust me or believe in everything I said. I need you to trust yourself and believe in yourself and that’s all it takes for you to go through this.
Save these numbers on your phone and put them on speed dial if needed:
(02) 804-HOPE (4673)
0917 558 HOPE (4673)
2919 (toll-free number for all GLOBE and TM subscribers)
117 (Police Hotline)
(02) 406-1611 loc. 4012
G/F, Thomas Aquinas Research Complex Bldg., University of Sto. Tomas
Open from Tuesdays to Fridays at 10 am to 5 pm
This establishment offers FREE psychological services