It’s a big step to finally decide to start dating and actually put yourself out there. And when you lack a basic human function i.e.: socializing with other human beings, it feels impossible to actually find someone. A sense of hopelessness settles in and you can become so comfortable with that. The thought of living the rest of your life alone without ever even having a taste of being in love? That just becomes so inevitable that you accept it as your reality. But is that what you want?
I wasn’t looking for love, a fling or a serious relationship in dating apps. I only wanted someone to talk to because the silence was deafening. Attention became a drug and I was so scared of no one noticing me, of feeling all alone again. And that just wasn’t right anymore.
1. Learn how to slow down and try to look at the profile in the app longer.
Take time to read his description to get a sense of who you have a chance of matching up with. Is he someone you might actually end up liking? Does he sound like someone you’ll enjoy talking to?
2. Standards are bullsh*t.
There are some very attractive people in Tinder, but those are mostly Instagram famous heartthrobs everybody is crazy for. Gym rats will always go for other gym rats. It’s just the way it is. But a person is so much more than his looks. Personally, I’m more fascinated by how one speaks his mind and what we share in common than a sexual fantasy I can just store at the back of my head.
3. Put in effort on the words you say.
A fun tip: throw away asking mundane questions and try to start up the conversation saying the most random things. Then, it can get exciting! Try to put in some effort in your replies because one-word sentences is a red flag. It says that you’re lazy, disinterested and a straight up jerk. Talk about anything that pops into your head. If you end up in a place where things are light, easy and comfortable, then you may have just made a friend or possibly something more.
4. Don’t give everything away all at once.
I also learned not to give too much of myself away to people, too soon. It’s really just a waste to share personal stories and details of your life to someone who will not even be there in the next hour. Keep it light. Don’t put any pressure on yourself or any of the people you’re talking to. Simply go with the flow.
5. You don’t have to be a douche like them.
Please don’t stick to the status quo of these dating apps. The culture of lies, flattery and false promises is evident. Learn to never fall for such forms of deceit. It’s entertaining for some guys to take up the challenge of making someone fall for them and then leave the next second they achieved their goal. They leave a trail of broken hearts and don’t feel like they carried the responsibility of cleaning them up.
6. Be kind.
Stick with the truth and try to say it in a kind and respectable manner. Don’t be rude in thinking that you’re too good for a person or he’s too good for you. I particularly was still a nice guy, responding to anyone who’s decent enough to say “Hi” or reply because that person might actually be really interesting when you get to know more about him later on.
But if you have gotten to know a guy already to a point where you’re sure you have nothing in common, let him down gently. It is not good to keep someone’s hopes up longer when you know that there’s nothing nor will ever be anything there for the two of you.
7. Expectations are something that is prohibited inside these dating apps.
You should only carry your openness and see where it takes you. Don’t imagine an entire future with someone you could lose at literally any moment. That’s not the same as giving up, but more like keeping your feelings at bay.
You may start to realize how much of a game Tinder truly is. I lost enough times to just know to prioritize myself first. Because in the end, you’re only left with yourself and you have to be okay.
So yeah, maybe these 7 Things may not be a definite approach to you, finding your soulmate or the love of your life. But it will aid you as you navigate through your own journey in online dating.
My own experience is definitely going to be different from yours and how exciting is that? The only way for you to find out what it’s like is to actually try? Go ahead. You can do better than you think!